The Role Reboot Blog

Should Men Avoid Posting Naked Selfies If They Want To Score Online Dates?

By Jodie Gummow — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 22:26:59 -0400

In a technological era, the Dos and Don'ts of online dating are not always clear-cut. With a vast array of online dating options to choose from, it is easy to overstep courtship boundaries when interacting with the opposite sex as we try to determine what exactly constitutes “acceptable” conduct on our quest to find a potential match.

While most dating sites do not condone the circulation of explicit content or naked photography, in reality the online dating world is jam-packed with thousands of profile pictures comprising of half-naked male "selfies"—self-portraits—as well as men who are eager to send women lewd graphic material.

As an online dater in New York, the singles capital of the world, I have received my fair share of uninvited male genitalia pictures and dating requests from men with half-naked selfies. Whenever I am confronted with such images, I am always left feeling bemused as I ponder what drives a man to publicly post a nude picture of himself online. Does it make me a prude because I find such images distasteful?

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Why I'm Letting The World Know About My Depression

By Annamarya Scaccia — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 22:24:12 -0400

Keeping her depression to herself meant she wasn't truly managing it, so Annamarya Scaccia is letting the world in on her secret and hoping she touches someone else battling a mental illness in the process.

Before typing out this post, I spent weeks writing it in my head.

Confused snippets of sentences and fragmented paragraphs ran tracks around my mind, rummaging through the clutter to find an empty space to sit. Words would explode then melt back into the black.

The chaotic race would eventually exhaust me, tire my lids, and quiet my brain. Then I would sit with remote in hand, clicking buttons repeatedly to find some mind-numbing TV show. I spread out on the couch, hopeless, bags under my eyes holding the weight of my world. I would shut down and disconnect from the reality of the home I am trapped in.

I become a shell.

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An Open Letter To My Fellow Gay Men: We Need A Woman's Consent Too

By Preston Mitchum — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 21:51:45 -0400

Just because you're not attracted to a woman doesn't mean you have the right to touch her.

Growing up as a black gay boy in Youngstown, Ohio, my mother always said “Son, you must operate in this world intentionally, you must treat others with respect, and you must keep your hands to yourself.”

As a child, all I wanted to do was play with my Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots and Easy-Bake Oven. Yes, my Easy-Bake Oven. Like many children, I sometimes ignored my mother, so statements like this went into one ear and out of the other. But now as I reflect on my childhood and place those moments into my daily existence, I realize that “keep your hands to yourself” taught me to respect myself, taught me to respect women, and taught me that we all have the right to our own body.

Last night as I was coming home from work, I noticed a fellow gay man who I have seen around Washington, D.C., at various nightclubs and bars. As we both entered onto the metro, we sat in seats relatively close to a young woman.

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Why It's Not OK To Trash-Talk My Ex-Boyfriend

By Kristen Forbes — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 21:49:21 -0400

After a breakup, we often support our friends by vilifying their ex. But assuming that one person is the victim and one is the perpetrator minimizes the complexity of a relationship, says Kristen Forbes.

Do me a favor and picture a little boy in his childhood home. Do you see him sitting on his bedroom floor? Look at the notebooks and pencils spread all around him. He’s been sketching for hours, drawing mazes for his parents to decipher. His math homework is complete—he finished it hours ago—and there’s a soccer ball in the corner of the room, muddy and warped from being kicked so many times.

Do you see that fire inside of him? He’ll grow up to be an architect. He’ll draw the designs for some of the buildings you know well. He’ll remain at work hours after you go home to eat dinner. The focus and discipline so clearly visible in the little boy version of him will cling to him in adulthood. So, too, will the passion for soccer. He’ll become the captain of his recreational team.

Look at him one last time. Watch the way he taps his fingers against his lips. Watch the way his eyes scan the room. Do you notice his shyness? It’s as big as his creativity, and he’ll carry it with him into adulthood, too.

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I Can Be Bitchy, But Am I A Bitch?

By Laurel Hermanson — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 22:41:35 -0400

Is it possible to tell your girlfriends the hard, honest truth without being labeled a bitch? Laurel Hermanson explores.

Bitch: “An insult propagated into Old English by the Christian rulers of the Dark Age to suppress the idea of femininity as sacred.” —Clare Bayley, “Bitch: A History”

My husband and I once had friends over for a dinner party. After a lovely meal we were sipping wine on the back patio when Etta James’ “At Last” began playing in my carefully curated CD rotation. One man took his wife’s hand and said, “This was the song we danced to at our wedding.”

I said, “You and about a million other couples.”

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Bad With Men: Am I Pretty Enough?

By Dana Norris — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 22:33:17 -0400

Dana Norris is the founder of Story Club and she once went on 71 internet dates.

I go on two dates in two weeks. I meet both men via Match.com. Both have vaguely amusing profiles and are smiling in their pictures, which is harder to find than you’d think. I meet them both at the Bad Dog Tavern, a restaurant near where I live. In both cases they’re already sitting when I arrive. I approach, they stand, I smile warmly, and they hug me hello, but their faces register nothing but cool detachment. Why don’t they smile?

I sit, we start talking and I work to find something that we have in common. Eventually the conversation gets easier—they laugh at my jokes, I laugh at their jokes, we agree to forge ahead through drinks and order dinner. At the end of the evening they hug me goodbye. I’m willing to go out with them again, but they do not email. They do not call. They do not want to see me again.

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The Friday Five

By Role/Reboot Staff — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:53:01 -0400

This week's roundup of our favorites from across the interwebs to help you make sense of men and women.

1. The Wedding Industry’s Pricey Little Secretby Will Oremus of Slate.com says that widely used “average wedding cost” figure is grossly misleading, and offers a much more accurate number.

2. What Happens To Women Who Are Denied Abortions? by Joshua Lang of The New York Times reports on an ongoing study that explores abortion’s impact by studying the women who get to the clinic too late.

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A Father's Identity: I Don't Know Who I Am Without My Kids

By Edwin Lyngar — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 22:42:12 -0400

Edwin Lyngar's been a father since he was 20 years old. When all of his kids are eventually grown and out of the house, he wonders who he'll be without them.

I’ve had a child under the age of 6 since I was 20 years old, in essence for my entire adult life. As my older kids have grown, I’ve added new ones to the mix. Even though I started too young, I could never regret it. My oldest is 19, and I cannot imagine life without him.

I never intended to throw all my money, resources, and youth into parenting. It just happened. Even with my oldest now out of the house, we still have four at home. People have asked me if I’m Mormon (until I utter one sentence). I usually tell them that I just like sex and I’m careless with birth control. The real reason I have so many is that I’m on my second family, and I still have custody of the children from my first. When I married my wife, Joy, we set out to build the big blended family we have now.

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Why I'm Thankful For My Dad

By Emily Heist Moss — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 22:38:02 -0400

Father's Day may be just another Hallmark holiday, but Emily Heist Moss is reminded this week of how lucky she is to have her dad.

My uncle died two years ago this week. Though younger than my mom, he’d married his high school sweetheart and had a handful of kids while my mother was still living in Europe and earning a bunch of degrees. By the time I came around, he’d racked up a decade of parenting know-how. On the anniversary of his death I think about his legacy as a family man, and how, indirectly, it shaped my relationship with my dad.

My parents had been divorced for ages when my uncle passed away, and my dad had inevitably lost touch with the other side of the family. When I called him to share the news, he told me that when I was born, he’d looked to my uncle as the model of how to be a good father. My grandfather was long gone and my dad didn’t have any brothers. My uncle, he said, took this incredible joy from being around his kids and created the kind of home where his kids wanted to hang out. My dad looked around that house, filled with laughter and fun, and knew that that was the kind of dad he wanted to be.

When I didn’t know what to say to my grieving cousins about their overwhelming loss, I told them what my dad had told me. I wanted them to know that the kind of love that their father had sent into the world had spread.

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I'm Not Easy, I'm 'Selectively Convenient'

By Charlie Glickman — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 23:41:18 -0400

One of the things that often surprises people is the fact that being queer, kinky, and polyamorous doesn’t have to mean that someone is promiscuous.

“Promiscuous” is such an interesting word. My dictionary has two definitions for it:

having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships

demonstrating or implying an undiscriminating or unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual

Now, I’ve had quite a few “transient sexual relationships” in my time. Some of them were no longer than half an hour and others have included dates once or twice a year, over the course of many years. Sometimes, I’ll have a series of dates with the same person for a few months before we part ways, and other times we’ll develop a sexual connection based on “I’ll see you when I see you.” I think that most folks would consider the majority of these “transient.” At the same time, my approach has been anything but “undiscriminating or casual.”

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