The Role Reboot Blog

The Friday Five

By Role/Reboot Staff — Fri, 17 May 2013 10:42:17 -0400

This week's roundup of our favorites from across the interwebs to help you make sense of men and women.

1. How Motherhood Is Changing Dramatically—In 11 Graphs by Derek Thompson of The Atlantic says moms are different these days. They’re more likely to have gone to college, more likely to work full-time, less likely to have more than two children, and less likely to be married than previous generations.

2. Reacting To Angelina Jolie’s Breast Cancer News by Peggy Orenstein of The New York Times says we have to be careful not to conflate Jolie’s situation and choices with those of an average woman.

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Why The Personal Is Political

By Emily Heist Moss — Thu, 16 May 2013 22:18:42 -0400

Emily Heist Moss discusses how the decisions at the top trickle down to affect our everyday lives.

"Nothing personal, but…”

Uh oh.

Nothing good ever comes from a statement that starts with "Nothing personal."

“Nothing personal, but I just think marriage should be between men and women.”

"Nothing personal, but I don't get what's wrong with a guy paying for dinner."

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Do Weddings Exist Today Just So We Can Document Them On Social Media?

By Jean Hannah Edelstein — Wed, 15 May 2013 23:24:45 -0400

These days, it's practically part of the liturgy—the moment before the wedding ceremony when the celebrant asks assembled guests to put away cameras and phones.

Every time I witness the sliding of smartphones and cameras back into pockets and wedding-only beaded clutch bags, I can't help but think the whole situation has become a chicken-and-egg question: Do we document weddings because they're important, or do weddings exist to be documented?

A recent survey in America found that for a majority of brides-to-be, the sharing of photos begins at the pre-wedding dress fitting, nearly half of those surveyed also said they would happily Skype their weddings to family and friends who didn't want to travel for the big day, who would prefer to ''take part'' from their living rooms.

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On Survivor's Guilt

By Emily Rapp — Wed, 15 May 2013 23:18:18 -0400

Three months since the death of her son, Emily Rapp discusses the guilt she faces as life charges on.

Today marks the three-month anniversary of my son Ronan’s death. It’s spring now, and he died in late winter, in the early hours of a bitterly cold morning. Now the birds are out, chirping and fighting for nest space on the roof. Green buds have blossomed on the trees in the front yard. In the evening, just before the sun goes down, the wind feels warm, even summery.

I wish I could enjoy this. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love the New Mexico sunsets as much as I always have, or that I can’t appreciate the unique color of blue that fits into the window frame at dusk, but enjoyment makes me feel guilty. Why Ronan and not me? This is the echo of an old, wishful bargain: that I could have traded places with him. My life for his, a very epic, Biblical trade. This is my body, given for you. Guilt is normal, of course, because when someone has died and you have not, you walk through the world with the lost shadow of that person’s potential and possibilities, like the shadow of a shadow, a true ghost.

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I Have An Eating Disorder And No One In My Life Knows

By Kristen Forbes — Tue, 14 May 2013 22:23:44 -0400

Kristen Forbes has been quietly dealing with her binge disorder in therapy and felt that she earned the right to keep it to herself, but she wants and needs help.

"Do you want to jump?"

My boyfriend and I gazed at tall rocks overlooking the turquoise ocean in Hawaii. After driving on the road to Hana for hours, we were out in the salty air, feeling the heat of the sun as it pressed down on us. A group of travelers with fun accents took turns jumping from the rocks into the water below, ecstatic screams escaping their throats as they hurled their bodies downward. Come on in, they seemed to be saying. The water is fine.

Did I want to jump? Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

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When My Marriage Ended, So Did Many Of My Friendships

By Laurel Hermanson — Tue, 14 May 2013 22:18:45 -0400

Do rough times show you who your real friends are? Laurel Hermanson says it's not that simple.

I sometimes think my daughter’s third birthday party was the best day of her life. She wanted a pirate theme, so we decorated the backyard and ordered a custom cake in the shape of a parrot. Since it was July, I bought an inflatable pool with a slide and a fountain. She was surrounded by kids and adults who loved her, and she was unselfconsciously delighted to be the center of attention. Her father and I were still living together in a beautiful home, and she had no reason to expect that things would change.

Two months later, my husband and I separated. He moved out and we began the long process of divorce. We shared parenting time equally, and tried to figure out a way to keep the house so Gigi wouldn’t have to move a third time in as many years. I got a great job right away, scored a spot for Gigi in a fantastic daycare, and found a roommate I felt comfortable with. I told myself we would be OK.

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An Open Letter To Angelina Jolie

By Steph H — Tue, 14 May 2013 10:47:39 -0400

Steph, who had a preventative mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer, welcomes Angelina Jolie to the sisterhood.

Dear Ange,

First off, can I call you that? Ange? Because we're practically sisters at this point. I'll take that as a yes. Moving on.

Until yesterday, Ange, you and I had approximately three things in common: we are both, ostensibly, of the same species; we both married very good looking men (Hi, honey! You are my Brad); and we both wear shoes. And that's pretty much where it ended.

But today, you and I are twinsies! Blood sisters! Members of a sorority neither of us wanted to join. Like you, I have a BRCA mutation and, like you, I had a preventative mastectomy to reduce my risk of getting breast cancer. (I'll stop short of inferring that you followed my lead, but no, on second thought, I'll go ahead and call it: you totes copied me. Ange! It's OK! All the cool girls are doing it.) As Sue Friedman, founder of the indispensable resource and advocacy group Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered, likes to say, we are happy to have you but sorry you need us.

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What Men Can Do To Stop Street Harassment

By Jamie Utt — Mon, 13 May 2013 22:26:50 -0400

It’s that time of year again!

The weather’s getting warmer, the days are getting longer, and most of us can’t wait to get a little sunshine on our skin.

People are breaking out the shorts, skirts, sundresses, tank tops, sandals, and bathing suits. We’re hitting the parks, beaches, running paths, streets, back yards—anywhere we can get a little bit of that Vitamin D.

And with this time of year comes an increase in street harassment.

It’s not as if there is not street harassment in the dead of winter. As my friend Heather recently said to me, “I can go out in a full-length down coat, hat, gloves, and boots, and I will have some f*ck think it’s OK to yell about my ass.”

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Not Everyone Fits Into Those Pre-Determined Gender Boxes

By Russell O'Connor — Mon, 13 May 2013 22:24:37 -0400

Russell O'Connor has never neatly fit into the traditional "masculine" box, and because of that, he's been ridiculed his whole life.

When we speak about gender, we are speaking about the masculine and the feminine. What on earth do we mean by the “masculine” and the “feminine”?

Those of us who live unhappily in a world with only these categories can find this kind of question especially difficult. It's widely understood now that masculinity and femininity are social categories rather than biological or anatomical ones. But they are no less real for that. If you want to know why they matter, then reflect on this for a bit: The easiest way to tell whether something is “feminine” is to ask yourself how likely a boy who expressed interest in it would be to get teased, taunted, ridiculed, or ostracized for doing so.

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Single People Aren't Broken

By Rebecca Sparrow — Sun, 12 May 2013 22:35:06 -0400

I’ll cut to the chase. Last week I behaved like an asshole.

I was out at a book store event with my splendid, 40-something friend Zoe when I took it upon myself to insult her. More on that in a sec.

Let me tell you about Zoe. Zoe is one of those people whose life is brimming with interesting. She works in the music industry and studies international business at night and joins cool clubs and plants herbs at her community garden and takes fabulous holidays and embarks on country drives and speaks French. So she’s the opposite of, well, me. (I go to bed at 8:30pm and spend much of my time folding laundry and clicking on stories on the net that feature the words “Ricky Martin” or … nope that’s pretty much it.)

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