The suggestion that existing rape fantasies should be going unchecked, left only to be satisfied or put off by the use of porn, is dangerous.
In today’s political climate, it appears that those who originally existed on the outskirts of society have slowly been making their way into the mainstream with loud, angry voices. As bigotry, intolerance, hate, and discrimination take center stage, a lot of us are left reeling and wondering what in the world is going on.
One of the demographics that has been a target of some of these fringe groups is women, but their ideals and notions about how women are supposed to act and think are nothing new. In many ways, it’s a reinforcement of ideas that have existed for hundreds of years. This, of course, does not make the discourse acceptable, and we should continue to question and fight against any actions that aim to keep others down.
The Role of Porn
An aspect of the argument against misogyny centers on porn, and how it does or doesn’t play a role in objectifying and marginalizing women. Some argue porn allows viewers to safely live out fantasies, while others believe it leads to aberrant actions. Again, this is an area where there isn’t necessarily one concrete answer yet.
However, one thing is clear — our access to the education and mental health care that will help deter dangerous fantasies from developing is poor.
Reactions Against Porn and Rape Culture
Nowadays, access to porn is as easy as turning on your computer and logging on to the internet. There really is porn available out there for pretty much any fantasy or fetish — including hundreds of video enactments of rape.
One site, xHamster, decided to take a stand against rape by blocking nonconsensual sex videos on its site. This was in response to the verdict that was handed down during the Brock Turner court case. The site’s decision to ban certain videos has made it the target for all kinds of different groups, including those who view the act as a publicity stunt, and the argument centers on the fact that people should be able to explore their fantasies without restriction.
Dr. Tibbals (the mental health professional mentioned in the Mic article above) is right in saying that porn should not be used as an excuse for rape and that we need to open up our conversation surrounding sexual assault. However, the suggestion that existing rape fantasies should be going unchecked, left only to be satisfied or put off by the use of porn, is dangerous.
Should we really be encouraging people who have rape fantasies just to answer them with porn? Shouldn’t we be opening up discussion as to what is going on with someone who is fantasizing about raping someone or being raped themselves?
Are Rape Fantasies Normal?
The notion of rape fantasies and whether or not they are normal for both men and women raises a lot of controversy and makes people feel ashamed and embarrassed for having them. Yet, there have been studies that show these fantasies are actually incredibly common. There are arguments that fantasies of rape aren’t equivalent to actually wanting to be raped.
However, rape or nonconsensual sex is not the fulfillment of a sexual fantasy but a violent act perpetrated on another human being. There isn’t a fine line between these two distinctions, and having the desire to be violent or hurtful to another person (or wanting someone else to be violent toward you) is a serious issue.
Rape and Mental Illness
In the U.S., how we handle and perceive mental illness varies, and is, for the most part, still not where it needs to be. For many, it is easier to ignore the issue and pretend it doesn’t exist. This makes it difficult for people to talk about the issue or to find the help they might desperately need.
Additionally, our inclusion of educational programs on safe sex and consent is weak as well. While some schools have tried to improve their programs, there are still too many that are way behind. This applies especially to schools that are still offering the “abstinence as the answer” educational route. This just isn’t a realistic way of teaching young adults about sex, and repression of our sexuality can lead to sexual deviance as well.
Don’t be fooled — porn is not an excuse for rape. We have free will, and at the end of the day, the rapist is always to blame. However, better access to education and emotional support regarding sexual fantasies that are worrisome could potentially help cut down some of these acts actually coming to fruition, and also offer mental help for the people who live with these fantasies.
It really comes down to consent. There’s nothing wrong with a harmless fetish, and even those involved in the BDSM community will tell you that consent is the operative word in any sexual encounter. However, fantasizing about hurting others against their will or invoking fear for your own pleasure is not normal.
If you’re concerned about whether or not your fantasies are acceptable or normal or why you might be imagining wanting to be raped or raping someone, talk to a professional. They’ll likely have the ability to let you know if you require mental health assistance, and it provides an opportunity to get these thoughts out into the open and dig into the why of their existence. There’s no shame in asking for help, and no matter how you slice it, rape is terribly traumatic and should never be glorified.
Kate Harveston enjoys writing about social justice and policy change. When she’s not writing, she enjoys hiking the mountains of Pennsylvania to find inspiration. If you like her work, feel free to visit her at onlyslightlybiased.com.
Other Links: