Connie Earl is a family doctor in Santa Rosa, CA, and the mother of a 21 month old bundle of energy and collector of shin bruises. Her son, Jenner, was born during her residency training, and her husband, Russ, left his own teaching career to be the stay-at-home parent. Russ recently wrote about his experience for Role/Reboot.

 

Bed Time for a Working Mom

This ritual we share each night,
    in secret,
    just you and I,
    uniquely us.

I rub and massage your body, your
    wriggling,
              jumping,
                        running,
                                 kicking,
                                          tumbling body,
which is now still, slowed, present and receiving.

I rub your belly, your forehead, your legs, feet and toes,
            blessing each bruise
                        each scrape
                        each ink dot or line
not knowing where they came from,
wondering which of your grown-ups witnessed their beginnings.

This week I went to your music class with you and Papa, and
strangers smiled at you and sang your name,
the teacher knew how to ask you to put your egg-shaker back,
    and I watched you
           watch her
           love her
           be moved by her
    and it was I who was new.

I saw pictures tonight of you pulling your red wagon down the street
          on an outing I never knew happened.
          You, looking grown up,
          pulling a wagon filled with balls and sand toys
          to the park with Papa,

While I, carrying a stethoscope and stickers,
            tended to the little ones of other people,
            to their parents, to the sick and the well,

And missed you.

And forgot and remembered over and over again.

Aching to come home.
Aching at the thought of leaving their suffering, their sadness, their joys.
Telling them of your tricks, your new words, things I have seen
             or have only been told about at the end of a long day such as this.

Knowing that tonight will once again be our secret, our
          toe-kissing,
                      bed-jumping,
                                  foot-rubbing,
                                             giggly,
                                                         sleepy secret.
And no one will know how it works,
          but us.