This post debates whether there is harm in a mom (Martha) watching the royal wedding with her daughter. In fact, Martha has made quite a to-do of it which includes keeping her daughter home from pre-school to celebrate.  Patrick Malone, clearly a feminist man, argues effectivly that there is enough fairy princess stuff out in the culture to send a girl poor messages about her aspirations and place in the world. Why would Martha want to bring all this princess fantasy and reality into her home-the one place she can control what her daughter is exposed to?

First, let me confess that much to my surprise, I felt compelled to wake up at 5 to watch the event. I enjoyed the pagentry and thought that the gown and the bride were stunning. My husband thought i was nuts and did not even know that the bride and groom were named Kate and William. Was interest in the wedding totally divided along gender lines? I know women who had no interest in it but don’t really know any men who did. But my sample is small.

So what about little girls and princess fantasies? When my own children were young, I read them fairy tales but always told them it was pretty silly for those storybook women to marry a prince they hardly knew. I did not want to rob them of good stories and fantasies but always editorialized to add my feminist thinking. I supposed that I would do the same thing with the Royal wedding if my children were still young. I have no sons, but I would hope that I would do the same with them too.

But I do not think I would do what Martha did and make the wedding such a special day that all of us stopped our routines for it. The day Nelson Mandela was released from prison, I stopped everything we were doing to make sure my young girls saw the release and understood its significance.  They recall my telling them that “this a day that you will always remember and that will be remembered in history.” I am not sure that the Royal wedding would be a day I would want to be embued with so much significance that we all stopped everything to watch it.

On the other hand, no one thing is going to harm or influence a child’s self worth that much. The wedding was a great party and ceremony. It may suggest to a child that getting married is the most fabulous and important day in a woman’s life and that being a beautiful princess is magical. But any child will develop her sense of her worth and possibilities most of all from what she or he sees in his parents and what is valued by those who love her. Compared to all that the wedding can hardly make a dent.

-Fran

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