This article could set dreams of shared parenting and gender equality back decades.  I applaud the honesty of the writer but wonder how much of what was described really has to do with parenting versus a dysfunctional relationship among two people with many idiosyncrasies.

The first thing that struck me is the attempt to plan and control parenting duties as though a child is a work project.  It is very hard to predict how one will feel before a child is born and also the child’s needs do matter to the “perfect schedule and plan”.  While there are so many logistics that can be thought about in advance, the best advice is to be flexible and relaxed in dealing with a baby.  I suspect that this mom, so used to being in control, had a great deal of trouble with the reality of a newborn.

Moreover, the tone of this article reflects a couple in a non-traditional relationship without a real acceptance of it as appropriate.  Like much of the writing on Role/Reboot we have a couple going through a difficult transition. This mom does not really respect her more laid back, less ambitious husband and the anger in her situation is evident in her writing. 

When a couple fights over every aspect of parenting, I suspect that the child is a proxy for unresolved marital issues.  Two people struggling constantly for control who don’t accept each others life choices are hardly a good model for co-parenting.

So, for those of you considering shared parenting, acknowledge and resolve your control and role issues before you take the big step.  it will be better for you and your child.

Fran

Read more here.