My mother, who grew up in the Midwest in the 1950’s, can do anything with her hands. She can sew, cook, fix plumbing, and diagnose an electrical problem. She can garden, compost, paint, and decorate. She taught me how to drive and she could parallel park the Titanic. Like most women of her generation, she knew how to practice a true home economy: running the family, house and all its accompanying demands on budget and efficiently. This seems a lost art. My mom was a highly educated educator but she stayed home to raise us. She and my dad had a deal: she was “the inside man” in our family growing up. My father was the “outside man” and he earned a good living for us all. He couldn’t do it today, not on what he earned. But earn it he did and we had a nice life. Until she and my dad divorced, and my mom went back to work, and the home economy became cereal for dinner and a messy house. There’s a lesson in that.

I, on the other hand, can do almost nothing manual (I am a pretty good cook). I’m grateful to have the education and skills to earn a decent living, and so that’s what I do. The website Primary Dilemma offers a way at looking at working mother “methods.” Founder Lynn Hall identifies five types of working mom methods- methods, I think, are the way we balance responsibilities at home and work. Although I like to defy typology, I suppose I fit into “equalizer”- equally engaged in work and parenting. This is a label I’ll proudly wear. However, the downside of being an equalizer is that everything besides parenting and working becomes a nagging problem to be solved. And because I spend all the time I’m not earning a living trying to parent and be a wife, I outsource everything domestic I possibly can.

Recently, to help move house, I hired a woman I found on Craig’s List to help pack boxes. I figured paying her to pack so I could work made economic sense. But Barbara helped shift my thinking about how I invest my time. Barbara writes a blog called“The Chief Cook and Bottle Washer,” an old saying I’ve become fond of. Barbara explained her typical week to me: as the stay at home mother of three she’d planned meals carefully, assembled a shopping list, and on Tuesdays, had leftover night, in which the fridge was cleaned out and dinner was whatever was left. Nothing was wasted and convenience food was minimized. This approach impressed and frankly stunned me.

My approach to cooking had become as unbalanced as my work days (constant checking of email when I’m supposed to be with the kids, and vice versa): we’d either scrounge around for cereal or whatever is in the fridge, or I’d spend way too much at Whole Foods on an elaborate, organic spree, and feel guilt after. There was no sense of purpose or sense. I need to save money and regain pride in my domestic role. I know that as a professional working mother I’m supposed to outsource as much as possible to retain time for parenting, but I think this approach leaves us alienated from our home environment, and possibly, even more broke than we already are after paying for childcare.

The lost art of home economy gets confused with craft and decorating “porn.” Home economy is not about buying expensive materials to create elaborate crafts, and it’s not about cooking exotically or keeping the perfect home. It’s not about Martha Stewart Living and the plentiful, aspirational approach to domestic consumption. It’s about practical consumption. There’s been much written, mostly aimed at men, along the Shop Class for the Soul bent. Books and articles ask men to return to the soulful craft of making things with one’s hands. “Artisanal” and “locavore” have become clichés. But what’s a working mother who wants to simply manage her costs, not become Pioneer Woman or start another urban farm?

It’s been a big discussion and challenge among my friends: how to be more mindful when it comes to household consumption. Here is my small start. Simply, stick to a monthly household food budget. I’m starting with grocery shopping and I’m reclaiming my wifely role as ‘chief cook and bottle washer.” Each week, I have a shopping list and a shopping budget. I’m buying less convenience food and packaged kids food, which is incredibly expensive. I’m trying to buy organic, but only what’s on special. I’m trying, like Barbara, to plan meals ahead, and only buy what I need. It’s a powerful shift in thinking and it’s a lot of work.

Domestic economy is more work than working.