Sometimes, when people don’t show up, it’s not because they’re inconsiderate—it’s because they’re ill. It’s a Saturday afternoon around 1pm. I just woke up. I roll over, grab my phone, and immediately start toggling between apps. I ignore the 12 texts: one from a friend I’m supposed to be at a clothing swap with right now, […]
Over the almost 40 years that I’ve been on this planet, I’ve absorbed the message — whether it’s about my hair, pale skin, or the size of particular body parts — that I’m too much. I was an unusually hairy kid. For me, it was the thick, black hair that blanketed my milky white legs […]
No matter what we call ourselves, it’s true that we are the narcissist’s easy prey. I’ve always known I experience other people’s feelings differently. I pick up on nonverbal cues most people miss, and when I walk into a room I often feel assaulted by the intensity of other people’s emotions. For years, I would’ve […]
We need to acknowledge the nobility and effort of making it through the day. “We talk about how suicide is ‘selfish,’” a friend said to me a few weeks ago. “But that means that people who are suicidal but struggling to live are doing something incredibly selfless, every day. Why don’t we talk about that?” On […]
Having a female body is especially hard. Having a fat one is even harder. I wrote this piece after the election, but I don’t want to talk about politics. We’ve had enough of that this week. Just this morning I was told by a man on Facebook that I was “extremely arrogant” for expressing my […]
The reasons to not have a child are as diverse as the reasons to have one. Sabine Heinlein, in an April 2015 Longreads essay, explained with sharp articulation and sublime eloquence why she chose not to have children. She told the stories similar women have probably heard: Not wanting to be a mother is just […]
Why do I resist these unthinking endearments? The women who call me sweetie can make me feel tiny and tucked in, as if they’re about to lay a cool washcloth on my feverish head, or take me out for post break-up ice cream. The women who call me honey bring me food in restaurants. These […]
At the end of every conversation with her, every word of encouragement, note about her intellect, her creativity, her place in my world, is the undertone of fear that I will raise a daughter like me. Once, my 6-year-old daughter told me that her friend was better than she was. Not that he was better […]
