Our ethnicities don’t make up a pie graph. We don’t identify through fractions. We identify through customs and language and experience.
I remember telling my girls that they were Persian, and thinking there would be some type of AAAAAaaaaaa (angels singing a capella from above) moment.
More like AAhhhhAaaaaaa…..aaaa..auuuuu…..ughhhh.
Not so much.
I told my 5-year old she was Persian, and immediately, she vehemently denounced it.
“I’m not Persian!!!!!”
Over and over again.
She proclaimed—“I’m not Persian!”
Each time she shunned her selfdom, my husband got angry. His face showed surprise, disappointment. He was hurt. My kids were denouncing his blood. His traditions. His identity.
And while, I try not to over-analyze the situation: Was my older daughter trying to separate herself? Was she renouncing her Persian-ness because she thought being “brown,” or speaking a different language other than English, or identifying with anything other than white, would be detrimental to her social status?
Was being Persian uncomfortable for her? Had we not done enough to familiarize her with Persian traditions and culture? Was having a foreign family foreign to her?
My husband’s family very much honors the Persian culture and traditions. They speak the language—a big “one-up” on my heritage. Unlike me, my husband is first generation Persian, his family speaks Farsi and they pretty much bring rice and saffron to every family event. Births, surgeries, beach vacations, hotel stays…the rice cooker travels, folks.
I’m Italian and Polish—so meatballs, red wine, The Godfather, and perogies.
We celebrate several cultural events and holidays. We don’t renounce one over the other. We don’t think one event is more important than another event. They all hold equal and significant meaning to us. We are both very much proud of our ethnicities, while still very much relating to being American. We’re proud to be raising American, Persian, Italian, Polish (Southern, by geographical designation) children.
We may have one child who has a different skin tone than the other. The older child is shades darker than the younger one.
My kids are not technically multiracial (although racial constructs are questionable and the lines between multi-ethnic and multi-racial is often blurred).
I don’t think my family totally identifies with “white” and the “white experience”…whatever that is. Especially when their skin is more of a brown tone (not mine, I’m as fair as it gets).
Two languages, Farsi and English, have been spoken to our kids consistently since birth. Although, we don’t speak Farsi in our house—because I don’t speak it.
While some aspects of our ethnicity can be confusing, and hard to merge, we certainly enjoy being a mixed-ethnic family.
Here are 8 Things Multi-Ethnic Mamas Want you to Know About Their Multi-Ethnic Families:
1. “What are you?” is a great question, and you are totally allowed to ask us. We enjoy telling you about our mixed and blended heritage—and hope that you better understand us as individuals.
2. Don’t be colorblind. We all are indeed, different colors. Celebrating our uniqueness is what’s great. Not seeing our uniqueness is more damaging.
3. Don’t assume my religion based upon my ethnicity. Just because my husband is Persian, that doesn’t mean he’s Muslim. Just because I’m Italian, that doesn’t mean we’re Catholic.
4. We don’t conform to stereotypes. My husband doesn’t try to control me and make we wear a veil, and I don’t like tomatoes. You ever met an Italian who didn’t like a pomodori? Well, now you have.
5. Not all siblings have the same skin tones. My sister looks nothing like me. She’s dark, with dark hair. I’m fairer skinned with light brown hair. We have the same biological parents.
6. Our ethnicities don’t make up a pie graph. We don’t identify through fractions. We identify through customs and language and experience. We don’t divvy up how we define ourselves using numbers.
7. Ethnic jokes are off-limits. Don’t think you can make an ethnic joke in my presence. It’s disgusting all around. Don’t do it—and definitely don’t do it in front of my kids. Double don’t—racial jokes (and sexist jokes).
8. We’re as American as you are. We love the nations and countries where our families and ancestors are from. However, we also love the country that we live in. We may talk longingly and yearningly about the nations our families are from—but that doesn’t mean we’re not grateful for being American—and that we don’t love living in America.
Sarah Hosseini is an introverted urbanite hiding out in the suburbs, wondering where is everybody? But, secretly hoping no one comes out of their house to talk to her. Her work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and many more. She lives in Atlanta-ish with her kids and husband. Sarah blogs regularly on her site at MissguidedMama.com. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
This originally appeared on Misguided Mama. Republished here with permission.
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