Scene 1
Who: One of my best female friends and me– we’ve known each other for since we were kids.
Where: A café in central Warsaw.
What: I mention the word ‘naked’ in a conversation. A few minutes later, she asks if we could leave and go for a walk. It’s a cold December evening and it’s drizzling. I think her request is a bit strange, but I agree. When we leave the café, she tells me she was so embarrassed about my use of the word ‘naked’ in public she couldn’t bear to stay in the café.
Scene 2
Who: A university-educated male acquaintance and me.
Where: A pub in Warsaw Old Town.
What: I mention in passing I’m a feminist. He stops the conversation and leans over to my then-fiancé asking “Did you know about this? How can you allow for it?”
Scene 3
Who: A bunch of Polish friend’s friends I just met and me.
Where: A pub in London off Euston Road.
What: I’m making polite small talk with a male banker I just met and mention I’m a feminist who works on reproductive rights issues. He takes a look at my wedding ring and smirks, “Your husband must have an awful life with you.” I stare blankly, trying to process what exactly made him think he could dismiss my relationship upon learning that I believe in gender equality when he barely knows me. He then proceeds to ask if reproductive rights are an area of law that deals with technology patents…
These are some of the encounters I’ve had over just the past few months with my fellow compatriots. I’m a Polish feminist (currently living in London) with a passion for reproductive rights. I can say the word ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ in public without a hint of a blush. In fact, a considerable number of my friends would rather talk about contraception and cervical cancer with me than their doctors. I don’t judge, I believe that consenting adults should be able to freely express themselves sexually, and – the best part – I provide evidence-based information about contraception. Unfortunately, all this is more than can be said of some doctors my friends have had to deal with.
Now, I don’t want to give you the impression that Poland is a land of bigoted chauvinists and unprofessional medical professionals. That would certainly be very unfair. Poland is a beautiful country with friendly people and great food. However, it also a deeply socially conservative place where the Catholic Church still has a huge influence (I wrote more about this here). Nevertheless, people do generally think that women should earn as much as men for doing the same job. However, when kids come into the picture it’s considered only “natural” that the mother give up her job (or put her career on hold) and stay home. Similarly, most Poles no longer believe that sex is bad and immoral, and should be saved for your future spouse. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean they’re absolved of guilt about their premarital sexual relationships.
The state of Polish politics being as it is (another complete ban on abortion was recently being discussed in parliament) my passion for women’s rights and reproductive health means I’m often frustrated. The level of the actual political debate is pretty low. For example, a former health minister (himself a cardiologist) has said that contraceptives will not be covered by insurance because sex is not a disease. Sometimes I feel like there really must be fumes coming out of my ears and it can’t just be my overactive imagination.
For me the personal is very much political and vice versa. These feelings are getting more pronounced as I get older – when I came across an article that used slut-shaming techniques a few years ago, I just got mildly annoyed. Now, I feel like writing a rant to the editor every time. I also make a point of saying I’m a feminist in social situations. I was always a feminist, but I used to think I maybe shouldn’t ‘flaunt it’ around people of a more conservative persuasion, so as not to upset them. Well, heck, if my belief in equality upsets someone, I hope they tell me so I can argue my points. I’m a woman on a mission. I want to put a face to feminism in Poland, where many people still consider this word to be at least mildly offensive. Mind you, I don’t have delusions of grandeur and haven’t convinced myself that my speaking up about feminism will change much. But, if anything, I do feel better about myself (how selfish, I know). I’ve come out of the feminist closet and am proudly and loudly reclaiming my right to speak about equality and sexual double standards. Hopefully, I will convince a few folks along the way that I’m making some sense.
Maria M. Pawlowska is healthcare analyst with a passion for reproductive health and gender issues. Her articles on different aspects of reproductive and women’s rights have been published by The Maternal Health Task Force, RH Reality Check, HealthyPolicies, The European Pro-Choice Network, and The Good Men Project among others. Maria currently lives in London with her husband. You can reach her at: m.pawlowska@gatesscholar.org.
Photo credit Discourse Marker/Flickr
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