This post originally appeared as a series of three posts on 1PeachyMama. Republished with permission.

In my home Superwoman died. Thank God! The ever present anxiety to keep the house immaculate, the laundry folded and put away, the children engaged and enriched, and (if that weren’t enough) to also keep myself looking fly was weighing on me. I felt exhausted, irritable, frustrated, and defeated because I wasn’t able to do all that was “expected” of me. (This was a self-imposed expectation, of course.) Rather than truly enjoying the things I was doing, I found myself spending an exorbitant amount of energy stressed about the things that had yet to be done.

It wasn’t until I had a talk with a dear friend (and veteran mother) who told me that the expectations I placed upon myself were lofty (if not impossible) as a mother with young children. She told me that when my youngest child turns seven or eight-years-old, I’d probably find a shift. The running of the household would probably begin to flow more smoothly and with less stress. She also told me that I would then reminisce about the days when they were babies. “Enjoy!” she said.

This, of course, wasn’t the first time I heard that advice. Every book for new mothers reiterates, “Take care of yourself!” “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” “Be sure to get your rest.”

A task-oriented person by nature, I couldn’t wrap my brain around how to “rest” in light of the ever-present list of things to do. Instead, I was folding laundry, driving, cooking, and moving about within a week of having each of my cesarean sections (in spite of my doctor’s orders and my husband’s concerns). (By the way, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do that. In hindsight, I realize how dangerous that was. And, I realize how I put my health at issue in an effort to be perceived (by myself and others) as a supermom. Neither my brightest nor proudest moment…) It wasn’t until I stepped outside of myself and willfully shed my “superwoman cape” that I allowed myself to enjoy my experiences in spite of the things that needed to be accomplished.

Confession is said to be reconciliation with our reality; a time when we admit our faults, confess our pride, and strive to be transformed. With that said, these are my “Recovering” Superwoman confessions:

(1) I don’t iron. In fact, I think ironing should be outlawed. My grandmother will undoubtedly be horrified to read this, as she somehow managed to iron my grandfather’s underwear and the bed sheets, along with all of the clothes in the house. In fact, my three-year-old saw the ironing board in our laundry room recently and examined it with bewilderment. She asked, “Mommy, what’s that?” I told her that it’s a folding table because, in reality, that’s what I occasionally use it for. What?!? Don’t judge me…. *smile*

(2) If you made an impromptu visit to my home (which I find to be incredibly inconsiderate, by the way. But I digress….) you may just find dishes in the sink. *Gasp* The recovering perfectionist in me could clean (and has been known to clean) the kitchen all day long. But I made a conscious decision to take a step back. My mantra is people (including myself) before things…. If I haven’t worked out and there are dishes in the sink, working out (taking care of myself) is the priority. If I haven’t read to the children and there are dishes in the sink, reading to the children is a priority. The dishwasher will be loaded and the dishes put away. It’s one of those things that must happen. So, it will. (Not to mention, my dish washing neurosis is not completely cured. The reality is that I don’t sleep well with my kitchen in a state of chaos. I’m a work in progress. People. Before. Things.)

(3) I recently built 30 minutes into our daily routine so that I can take a nap, write, read, make a phone call, or do something that I want to do. As someone who rarely, if ever, let my kids watch television for a very long time, this was a huge step. And my husband gave me the side eye at first. But mommy needs a break. I take comfort in knowing that they’re watching PBS and (hopefully) learning something. It’s not like they’re watching Mortal Combat. So sue me…

I’m sure I have other “recovering” Superwoman confessions. But, these are the ones that immediately come to mind.

This journey to shed my “superwoman cape” is definitely ongoing. I wrestle with my inner superwoman on a daily basis. I’d be remiss if I didn’t share some of the valuable lessons that I’ve learned along the journey. Here goes:

(1) Envision your priority list as fluid, not hard-and-fast. Period. My list is constantly changing (and constantly growing). I can’t be “married” to the idea of completing everything on the list on any given day. For example, I woke up early one day last week and excitedly prepared my things-to-do list for the day. Before long, I heard my three-year-old moaning and calling my name. Not good… When I walked into her room, I was accosted by the most wretched smell. Let’s just say that diarrhea and potty training are a horrible combination and I’ll spare you the (literally) dirty details. But the mess was EPIC!  My task list for the day changed instantly. In the past I would have stressed about how to go about completing tasks while caring for my sick baby. This time, we made popsicle and I plopped on the couch with my baby curled up in my lap. The “urgent” tasks on my list would have to wait until her naptime. Everything else would have to be pushed back.

(2) Find creative solutions and set yourself up for success. At a recent committee meeting at my daughter’s preschool, I was assigned the task of being responsible for the weekly preschool newsletter. I was eager to help, but I was overwhelmed at the thought of taking on such a huge responsibility. My plate is often overflowing. It’s irresponsible for me to add more tasks, which could realistically cause the plate to break. I pushed back (a bit) and offered to lead a team of people who would together take ownership of the newsletter. Then and there, this team was created. We figured out a way to divide the responsibilities so that each person took ownership of the weekly newsletter for two specific months of the school year. I was able to select two months during which I tend to have the most flexibility. It was a win-win situation.

(3) Create a vision board. What do you want from your life? What do you love to do? When my kids were younger, I felt selfish for carving out time for things that I enjoyed doing. I made time for being involved in their school and for being involved in certain organizations. I now see that the things I love were not a priority and I soon began to forget what those things were. I forgot the person I was, while also feeling disconnected from the woman I had become. Creating my vision board was almost a spiritual experience. In the process, my passion for travel and writing were rekindled. I found myself walking into my destiny and stepping into the adjectives with which I described myself (in my former life) and with which I’d like my daughters to describe me (e.g., confident, persistent, savvy, courageous, loving, witty, interesting, to name a few.).

(4) Take steps (however large or small) towards your vision. I have always wanted to write a novel. In fact, I have three partially-written novels in my arsenal. I took a step towards my vision by enrolling in a creative writing course for aspiring novelists. The course was one night per week and I knew that my feet would be put to the fire about putting my thoughts into action on a page. Not only did I get practical information to help me overcome writing stumbling blocks, but I also learned a great deal about the industry. This was one important step towards bringing my vision to fruition.

Now, I certainly don’t have all the answers. My inner superwoman does reappear from time to time. So, I’m a work in progress. I guess that’s why they call life a journey, right?!?

Shenia Coleman Kirkland is an attorney, law professor, novelist, screenplay writer and motivational speaker. She chronicles her journey from a driven corporate attorney (and feminist) to wife and work-at-home mother on www.1peachymama.com, in which she discusses the tenuous balance between motherhood, marriage and maintaining a sense of self. She would love for you to follow her on Twitter @1peachymama.

Photo credit JD Hancock/Flickr