A recent blog post on Psychology Today, Why Feminism is the Anti-Viagra, supposes itself to be an argument about how the freedom and equality for which feminism has fought directly contradicts the wiring of sexual arousal in the brain. That is, women are sexually wired to want dominant men and to be submissive in the bedroom and men, while a little more flexible, tend to be wired to desire submissive women and be the dominator.

The authors declare that there is a Big Problem with female arousal (Opening line: “One sexual enigma perplexes both women and their clinicians: Why do so many American women have difficulties in bed?”). Whose fault is this? Well, it’s those darn women always asking for equality and then running off to sleep with bad boys! (I have to mention here the male authors of this piece sounded a little bit like they were mostly complaining about not being able to find women who want to sleep with them. But maybe that’s just my reading.)

The first question I had to ask myself after reading this piece was “is there a big problem with female arousal?” I guess I didn’t realize that feminists were creating this new societal crisis. Geez, I’ll have to remember to add ‘creating massive social problems by giving women the freedom to be safely sexually active’ to my list of Problems With Feminism.
 
While the authors of this article may have a point about some of the brain wiring (I don’t consider myself an expert on the human brain, and I definitely won’t pretend I am in this situation) I don’t find myself buying into their argument at all. I see this piece as yet another reason many young women and men might hesitate before labeling themselves “feminist.” Because, come on, who wants to be responsible for stunting sexual arousal? That doesn’t sound like anyone I want to invite to my parties.

The claim that the “majority of women have submission fantasies” stands out as one I have to challenge. While the authors (who are both men) refer to themes in what they call “cross-cultural female erotica” the examples they cite (The Flame and the Flower, The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, Twilight BDSM fan faction–which, really?) don’t stand out as particularly cross-cultural. However, that’s neither here nor there. I’m going to need to see some more evidence in order to buy the claim that the male authors of this piece understand what women are thinking when it comes to sexual arousal. I would argue that erotica has never represented the average man or woman in the bedroom. I mean, when was the last time a guy decided he wanted to look like erotica cover model Fabio? For that matter, I have yet to have a straight female friend point out Fabio’s twin in a bar as a hot guy.
 
And if we’re going to use convenient media examples, let’s think about the average romantic comedy hero. Why are the men in successful romantic comedies, a genre traditionally watched by women, often sweet, lovable, sometimes-bumbling guys? I’m talking about Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally. Or Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail. Or even Seth Rogan in Knocked Up. Doesn’t this evidence squarely contradict the female erotica presented here? While these romantic comedy heroes might have some of the characteristics the authors’ list, such as height or maybe even deep voices, I don’t think the type of man discussed by the authors dominates (pun intended) romantic comedies.

Additionally, the idea that we need to look to porn to see what is turning men and women on is somewhat troubling. While porn can be controversial and has been alternately lauded and criticized by many both inside and outside the feminist community, it’s an industry where the production side is almost exclusively populated by men. This leads to the question of whether porn actually reflects women’s desires or instead a male projection of women’s desires. Looking to porn as the answer for what makes sexual desire flow for men and women strikes me as missing out on a lot of what is actually going on for people. I’d argue that holds even more true for the very niche-sounding types of porn the authors mention (seriously, hypnotism porn?).

I also take offense at the tone of the article. The authors are sure to place the blame squarely on women. After all, how will we sort out the best way to navigate this new-fangled society where women are all “I want to get paid the same as a man!” and “I don’t think my career choices should be limited by the fact that I’m a woman!” and “I want to have a family AND a career!”? When they write “We’re all figuring out how to live in the first society in human history where women have such power, independence, and clout” the authors leave me with a distinct impression they’re pining for the good old days when women knew their place and men could be men.

But, since life isn’t a beer commercial, I think we’re all smart enough to realize that the good old days weren’t really so great for everyone. Or maybe even anyone. Feminism also doesn’t have to mean that everyone wants the same things in the bedroom. In fact, I’d argue it means women can be more frank and honest about what turns them on as individuals.

Read the full piece here.

-Melissa E. Thompson (guest blogger, who you can follow here)