I have always disliked being approached by men in bars. Cheesy pick-up lines that I might otherwise find marginally amusing somehow become creepy in the low light, screamed over the deep pulse of bass-heavy music. I don’t appreciate that a night out dancing inevitably means that some dude is going to come up behind me put his hands on my ass. No man has ever done this to me while I was picking out tater tots at Target, so why is it acceptable at a bar or club?

I realize that not every man has less-than-honorable intentions and obviously not every man in a bar is going to approach me. Regardless, it is not hard to see why finding a potentially-dateable man in a bar has yet to work out well for me. Besides, the nerdy NPR sustainer types I usually go for would never be caught dead swaying to the beat of the hot new Pitbull track at ladies’ night. Of course there are other places to meet men, but I am decidedly bad at meeting men regardless of the location. I tend to become shy and awkward – a far departure from my normal bubbly self.

I was not quick to jump on the online dating bandwagon. It was only after a night of consuming some very bad red wine that a friend convinced me to make an OkCupid account. My profile sat untouched for months. Finally, in an effort to procrastinate on my job search, I actually uploaded a picture and filled in the profile questions. Despite my initial hesitations, the idea of online dating appealed to me. As a Millennial spoiled by Google, online shopping filters, and WikiAnswers, I expect information to be easy to find, instantly available, and targeted to my specific needs. A site promising me that finding a partner is as easy as finding a pair of 4-inch yellow peep-toe heels on Zappo’s is something I can get behind.

The commercials for online dating sites like eHarmony and Match make the whole process seem much less intimidating than it actually is. Average-looking, happy people tell us how they met their soulmates! They went on great dates! They had so much fun! They’re getting married! In reality, messaging a complete stranger is quite awkward. This seems like it should be an easy task until you actually sit down to try it. Sarcasm comes off as rudeness, irony translates into social awkwardness, and all jokes seem corny and contrived.

Consider this scenario: I find a cute guy and send him a message. He responds! He is funny! He loves tUnE-yArDs, too! I message him back. We spend an hour talking about our tattoos! And “All Songs Considered”! I ask him if he’s ever been to my favorite concert venue. OkCupid says he’s still online. It’s been 15 minutes. He hasn’t responded. Did I say something wrong? Now he’s offline. Refresh. Still no response. Maybe he fell asleep. Next day, still no response. Reread the message I sent. Yeah, that joke was probably weird. Note to self: no more jokes. Wait, I have a new message! Oh, it’s just some dude with a shadowy profile picture wanting to know if I’m “a totally natural blonde.” Thanks, but no way in hell.

I thought the world of online dating would be populated by people who, like me, hadn’t had much luck finding partners in real life. These people, like the people in the Match commercials, would be kind, polite, and maybe sort of short or have receding hairlines. While I have certainly found nice, interesting people in my online dating endeavors, it hasn’t all been beach-picnic-dates and cozy-fireside-snuggles. There’s always the mystery of the guy who doesn’t respond to your messages and the ensuing paranoia about what’s wrong with you. Additionally, the ass-grabbing men I referenced earlier also populate the online dating world (of course). I have received sexually explicit, rude, and just plain odd messages from various men (in considering examples of strange behavior a message consisting of the single line “I like waffles” comes to mind). These questionable characters have been mixed with respectful, intelligent, interesting men.

Online dating is not an easy landscape to navigate, but neither is “real world” dating. Overall, my experience in the world of online dating has been strikingly similar to my real world efforts; at different points I have felt intrigued, flattered, disgusted, and confused. Despite the fact that online dating promises to filter out the undesirables, it’s a world of nice guys, creepers, and oddballs. I guess I’ll just have to wait for Google to come up with its own algorithm to find me the perfect date.

Kaitlyn Dowling works as a digital strategist and is a recent graduate of the University of New Hampshire. In her free time, she enjoys eating chocolate covered espresso beans and watching Frontline documentaries. She hasn’t decided if she’s keeping her OkCupid account. You can follow her on Twitter here.

Photo credit bigoteetoe/Flickr