Originally appeared on Mamamia. Republished here with permission.
“You’ll make a beautiful bride.”
With this one sentence I found myself caught like a deer in headlights, en route to an unnecessary—and somewhat misguided—reality check from a stranger.
While you might think it sounds like a compliment, a backhand quickly followed.
After dishing out advice on what NOT to wear if I walk down the aisle (no strapless, sweetheart-necklines with an embellished bodice … apparently that look is so 2007), this matrimonial-focused stranger asked my age.
“I’m 31 next month,” I replied, causing her to practically choke on her canapé.
“The average age for brides is 29,” she spluttered, horrified that I had let an extra 24 months slip past without securing myself a groom, a happily-ever-after with 2.4 kids, and a house with a white picket fence.
Apparently, without realizing it, I had passed my prime.
Once again, my marital status had hijacked a conversation. I’ve had dinners disrupted with offers of blind dates, psycho-analysis performed over pancakes, and been told I was too choosy over coffee.
Unfortunately, common decency means I rarely respond with the two-word, seven-letter phrase I’d like to use.
Instead, I smile and nod while thinking about where to take my next overseas trip or whether to splurge on a new leather jacket or Marc Jacobs handbag.
Then I go home to my single-girl apartment and do whatever the hell I like.
I watch back-to-back episodes of Law & Order SVU for eight hours, dance around my living room to Nikki Minaj at 7am and drink milk straight out of the bottle.
New York University Professor of Sociology Eric Klinenberg (author of Going Solo—The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone) claims the majority of people who live alone are actually more socially active with friends and neighbors than their married counterparts.
So what does it matter if my life occasionally resembles a Taylor Swift song? Or if I have moments where I seem to be the romantically-challenged lovechild of Bridget Jones and Nina from Offspring?
I am enough. Just the way I am.
I have a great job working for an organization I believe in. I pay my bills on time. I have lived overseas and lived on my own. I have traveled extensively and continue to do so.
I donate to charity. I vote and I fish. My friends trust me to babysit their children and help plan their weddings. I am impulsive and spontaneous and have been known to rearrange holiday plans and cancel flights at the last minute. I cut my own bangs. I learned the hard way not to say yes to a date with someone you don’t know/like, and I discovered that sometimes love isn’t enough.
And, yes, I did once break up with someone because their laugh annoyed me, but that doesn’t make me picky, it just means I can’t fathom a life without Rebel Wilson and Will Ferrell movies.
“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
Maybe I’m waiting for Ryan Gosling to come along and sweep me off my feet or maybe—and this is shocking, I know—I’m not waiting at all. I’m out there living my life, one glorious disaster after the next.
I’m OK with not knowing what or who is around the next corner … perhaps it will be someone who finds my weirdness endearing and wants to fly his freak flag and join in my adventures.
But what I do know is that I don’t need some random stranger—or even a well-meaning friend—pushing their expectations onto me and trying to make me doubt my choices. Because I am enough.
So please stop asking me why I’m single because, if I’m honest, the answer might offend you.
Brooke Falvey is a former journalist, blogger and dreamer. She lives in Brisbane, Australia, is currently in-between boyfriends and survives mostly on grilled cheese sandwiches. Brooke can be found online here.
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