Time to stop feeling guilty about wanting to find a partner.
Let’s hear it for all of you single moms out there!
According to the United States Census Bureau, as of 2016, 23% of children under age 18 are raised by a single mother. That’s a lot of children being raised by fierce, independent, and strong women.
And while you love your children with all of your heart, you might feel like there’s something missing.
As much as you may want to have a relationship again, many single moms give up on trying to find love.
Between raising your children and … well, life … being a single parent is enough to keep ANYONE busy. And when you’re so busy parenting, it can be hard to find even a minute to read a book, let alone date.
So, in our latest Ask An Expert video, relationship Expert and life coach, Zoe Shaw — a licensed psychotherapist — explains how you (yes YOU) can find love again as a single mother, and avoid some of the major mistakes single moms make in dating.
The first step: DON’T GIVE UP.
Things may seem completely frustrating.
It was hard to find a good partner before you had a family, and now you really have to make sure they’re a good person before bringing them into the lives of your children.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, here are three things you need to do to prepare yourself before you can find your partner as a single mom:
1. Embrace and accept that you want a partner.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t need a partner or make you feel bad for wanting a guy or gal in your life.
It’s not a sign that you can’t take care of yourself, because you are taking care of yourself and your kids, and you have been for some time.
But there are some needs — emotional as well as physical — that you just need a partner for. That doesn’t make you a bad feminist or a weak woman.
In fact, being honest with yourself about what you truly want, without hiding it, is one of the strongest and bravest things a person can do.
And once you’re honest about wanting a soul mate, it’ll be that much easier to try to find him or her.
2. Check your baggage.
Everyone has baggage. Everyone.
The important thing is not to deny its existence, but to know what exactly it is you’re bringing to the table.
Knowing means you can be honest and upfront in your relationships, and honesty is the KEY to a successful relationship.
And if you don’t know what your faults are, ask your oldest friends and your family. They may love you, but they definitely know your flaws and, unlike fake friends, they’ll be willing to tell you the truth.
3. Learn from your past relationships.
There’s a reason those relationships didn’t work out.
Maybe there was something about him or her that didn’t work with your personality, or maybe there was something you did wrong on your date that turned him or her off. And maybe they gave you some constructive criticism.
Whatever the cause of your breakup, there’s something we can learn from all of our past failed relationships that will help us on our way to finding true love.
You’ve worked so hard as a single mom and you deserve to find love.
It may seem totally overwhelming now, but there is someone out there for you who will fit perfectly in your life and in your family.
Don’t lose hope, because you’ve got this!
Do you recognize yourself in any part of this article? Need some help? Reach out. Join Dr. Zoe Shaw’s free monthly newsletter, where you will get monthly tips and encouragement for redefining YOUR superwoman. Dr. Zoe Shaw is a licensed psychotherapist and life and relationship coach for women.
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