About The Elementary School Teacher Who Discussed Her Sexual Orientation With Her Students

Our society’s resistance to diversity is literally killing our children.

Stacey Bailey, an elementary school art teacher from Texas, is currently suspended from her job due to allegations that she discussed her sexual orientation with her students. The media coverage of the situation is focused on the rights of the adults in the case. Should a lesbian teacher be protected from discrimination? Do parents have the right to limit their child’s exposure to controversial topics? These are both important questions but the coverage omits a third crucial aspect of the case: What are we doing to our LGBTQ children?

I am a lesbian. I did not self-identify until I was in my 20s but I can still recite every comment I heard about LGBTQ people in my childhood. In my circle, the general theme was that gays and lesbians are not necessarily bad people but they have no business being open. Not surprisingly, I then spent years segmenting my life for fear of being outed as a lesbian. Make no mistake, consciously or sub-consciously, LGBTQ youth construct their self-image based upon how adults talk about issues such as the Dailey suspension.

Sadly, the statistics suggest that we overwhelmingly teach these kids to fear or hate their identity. This self-loathing has dire consequences. According to the Trevor project, LGB youth are five times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers, and LGB children from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times more likely to attempt suicide than peers who experience no or very little rejection.

As a mother, my plea to other parents is to remember that the children we are raising might be LGBTQ. You might think Dailey’s predicament is an “other people problem.” You might believe no one who is close to you is gay. However, the truth is your own kid might just belong to the minority group you’re rolling over. You can’t surmise anything based on a child’s behavior alone. We can’t assume our children will share the information or that they even realize it themselves. There are as many coming out stories as there are LGBTQ people. How would you want your child’s story to end?

When we view issues like the Dailey suspension through this lens the narrative changes. Parents who support her firing are unequivocally teaching their potentially LGBTQ children that they have no place in the community. They are demonstrating that there is no compassion or safety net for people who deviate from cisgender heterosexual norms.

Some parents are hateful homophobes who are comfortable delivering this message to their children but I don’t believe that is always or even mostly the case. Some parents just don’t want their children coming home with difficult questions. Others prefer firing a teacher to having to confront their own ignorance and fear of the LGBTQ community. Some follow along because of community pressure. All are thinking about what’s easiest for them as opposed to what’s best for their child.

This has to stop. Our society’s resistance to diversity is literally killing our children. As parents we have to realize that the biases we are propagating may ensnare our own kids. Is that really what we want?

Anne Penniston Grunsted writes about parenting, disability, and family life from her perspective as a lesbian mama. She lives in Southern California with her wife and son. Read more of her writing at annepennistongrunsted.wordpress.com

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