I’ve habitually, if unconsciously, compared myself to other white women who, in far greater numbers than women of color, are granted competitor status in America’s Olympics of life. “Stop talking to her. That girl is your enemy.” These are the words of Tonya Harding’s mother, LaVona, to a pre-teen Tonya at her skating lesson in […]
The reality is, you can’t care about someone you don’t know. And you really can’t know someone unless you listen to them. I remember his hands. They were big and strong. They were soft and comforting. I remember noticing how his skin looked different than mine—dark on top and lighter on the palms. We liked […]
The social stigma of spending money, particularly when you’re not wealthy and especially on “non-essential” items has a note of arrogance to it. It believes the future is an equitable given. When I was 12, my mother liquidated my modest college fund so that we could buy a 23-year-old ex-racehorse named Fancy. No, this wasn’t […]
Doing whatever I want doesn’t automatically make me a feminist. I’m a feminist because I advocate for a world in which every woman has the freedom and resources to do the same. When my partner and I started talking about having a baby—how it would change our lives, what we would need to do to […]
Saying “pregnancy is disgusting” or “breeders are contributing to overpopulation” is just as bad as the concern trolls who say childfree folks are “selfish.” This morning on Facebook, I saw this piece, “For Young Women, Not Having Children Has Become the Rational Decision,” from Mic, which was published back in April. And then I read the […]
When I’ve met Millennials whom I’ve come to admire I’ve simply categorized them with a group of my own allegiance rather than consider the possibility that I’d been using blanket stereotypes to make myself more comfortable. The other day I was in the back of an Über car scrolling through comments on an acquaintance’s Facebook […]
Kids are capable of making realistic connections whether we use a protective narrative with them or not. Once, before my husband finally sold his small, 40-year-old, spit-and-tape sealed sailboat, we considered joining a yacht club at our local lake. An acquaintance who was a member invited us to a party at the club so we […]
I lived and breathed the Paleo lifestyle until the stench of its privilege turned me off. Three years ago, I lost 5% of my body weight following the Paleo Diet. I slept better, I was less gassy, and I just felt happier. I decided to start a blog to track my progress, keep myself accountable, […]
It is women who are judged for their children getting lice for being “dirty,” despite the fact that the evidence is clear that lice don’t care about washed or unwashed hair. My kids trade years each Christmas over who gets to be sick with everything from scarlet fever, whooping cough, and stomach bugs. What I […]
Nothing says “I love you” like Victorian ideals of kept women and the powerful men who keep them. Hanging on a bulletin board across from where I’m sitting in a cafe is a flier announcing a workshop on divorce recovery. The flier is awkwardly bookended by two other ads: one for a Valentine’s Day massage […]
This originally appeared on Everyday Feminism. Republished here with permission. I want for my daughters the same thing I want for myself: radical self-expression. Three years ago, my husband Kris and I took our final step toward a longtime goal of embracing a location-independent lifestyle. We sold most of our stuff, withdrew our daughters from […]
This originally appeared on Alternet. Republished here with permission. Women of color have never had the privilege to solely focus on women’s issues. Feminism is much more than simply addressing the wage gap, climbing the corporate ladder, or even ensuring access to abortion services. Many times racism, classism, and sexism are so tightly enmeshed they’re […]
