Infidelity is corrosive not only in how it eats away at any future but how it also eats up the past. …And after the first minute, when I say, Is this about her, and he says, No, it’s about you, we do not speak of her. — “Unspeakable,” Sharon Olds How do you get over […]
Dear Dana is a bi-weekly advice column for humans who engage in romantic relationships. Please send your dilemmas, issues, conundrums, assumptions, conflicts, anxieties, worriments, obstacles, complications, predicaments, queries, questions, and any other synonyms for “problems” to deardana@rolereboot.org. Dear Dana, My now husband and I were in a long distance relationship for several years before moving in […]
You realize how much effort it really takes to be in a successful, faithful marriage or long-term relationship. It takes guts and constant communication. It takes two. It’s give and take. It’s all about commitment. Those are a few of the slogans I’ve heard people use in regards to relationships and marriage. While I agree […]
The pain of infidelity is enough for women to live with. We shouldn’t require that they also live with our tired moral judgments. I had been married less than six months when I found out that my new husband was already cheating on me. I was standing in a sweltering laundromat on an Air Force […]
Fidelity is about communicating with the people you’re seeing, following the rules you set for yourselves, and talking it out when those rules are no longer working. Our worlds are changing. We’re becoming more aware of other cultures, other religions, other practices within our communities and others. We’re starting to dissolve the idea of a […]
She fucked my husband and I’ll never condone that, but she wasn’t the one who pledged me fidelity. If Beyoncé wrote the soundtrack of my life, she wouldn’t describe my husband’s other woman as “Becky with the good hair.” The woman my husband cheated with was certainly no Rachel Roy (who really, really wants you […]
I wanted so badly to forgive him, for things to go back to the way they had been, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him writing those messages, having sex with a man whose name he probably didn’t know, and lying to me about it. It’s 2:30am and I’m cruising Craigslist’s Casual Encounters. I know […]
It was his fault. Not theirs. He didn’t deserve me and I should have left years before. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, I freaked out. I exploded. I went a little nuts in the moment. Personally, I feel like this is a perfectly reasonable response when you’re blindsided with something as horrible […]
Thank you for bringing me to my lowest point and for helping me find that strong girl I’d buried under loads of self-hate. I’m stronger in spite of you. Hey You, Do you remember the first time I said that to you? You insisted the phrase “hey you” was a subtle way of flirting. Every […]
It was only through that gift of pain and blame that I arrived on the other side to see myself as I really am: Enough. “But you’re so much prettier,” said my girlfriend as we stared at the photo on my smartphone screen. “I mean, she’s not a bad looking woman. But you’re more striking. […]
How does a woman cope with not being number one? “If you could have anyone in the world for a boyfriend who would it be?” One of the most crucial questions of every girl I knew. In notes passed between desks and magic eight ball wishes. It could be anyone. It had to be someone. […]
A group of couples counselors are placing the focus squarely on sex as the first step to relational happiness. Conservative estimates suggest anywhere from 20 to 60 percent or more of people cheat on their spouses. Internet porn remains—as you probably know, quite possibly firsthand—wildly popular. If a thing exists, there’s someone out there who’s […]
