We’ve never had the privilege of living in a world where our appearance wasn’t viewed as our primary form of social capital. Hair and makeup, body glitter, eating right…on the bright side of beauty there’s unicorn eyeshadow palettes and healthy living. But there’s a dark side, too, that’s explored and examined in the fascinating book Beauty […]
I can easily spend hours pulling. If I am able to stop myself during these moments, I am often overcome with obsessive urges that won’t go away until I pull out the hairs that I know are there. At the age of 7 I started compulsively pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows. I distinctly remember […]
Instead of feeling liberated, going barefaced made me feel anxious and unkempt. The thought of staring at myself in the mirror for an hour in a workout class where I’m not wearing makeup makes my stomach turn. Aside from the occasional hiking trip, I haven’t gone a day without makeup in years. Until today. It’s […]
Dear Dana is a bi-weekly advice column for humans who engage in romantic relationships. Please send your dilemmas, issues, conundrums, assumptions, conflicts, anxieties, worriments, obstacles, complications, predicaments, queries, questions, and any other synonyms for “problems” to deardana@rolereboot.org. Dear Dana, My daughter just informed me that her teacher told her that only girls wear lipstick. I immediately […]
I reject the insistence that a woman can’t choose what makes her feel beautiful without regard for the judgement of others. 1997: The girls at school collect Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers. We line them up on one of our desks, form a circle, compare. The most basic come in standard fruit flavors like lime and […]
Growing up, I learned that if you were a black girl with a wide nose, full lips, dark skin, nappy hair—you were doomed. At 8 years old, I knew how to turn my parents’ bedroom into my music video sanctuary. It was easy: They had all of the necessary equipment to fuel my young imagination. […]
I’m a straight man who loves women and sports. But I also love sparkly fingernails and wearing eyeliner. Why is that so confusing? For my 26th birthday, I took my cousin and my roommate out for manicures. This has become a part of my life: going for drinks and manicures. We bought cosmos and I […]
Show people who you really are, at all angles, even make fun of yourself a little bit, and you make it more possible for others to do the same. Recently a Facebook friend of mine commented on a status, “I really appreciate you having the courage to show yourself in so many states.” She was […]
The closest I come to making up is a tube of tinted lip balm that I keep in my purse. I know better than to pay attention to the tabloids lined up at the checkout line. They’re exploitive, 99% fictitious, and mostly downright mean. But sometimes, I can’t help myself: It’s not the “Can you […]
I enjoy dressing up and being told my hair looks good and catching a glimpse of myself in a mirrored store front and liking what I see. Whether or not that makes me vain is up to you. Recently, I divulged to a friend that I had undergone a cosmetic procedure several years ago, a secret […]
We all want to feel desired. But whose validation matters most? Our own? Or a man’s? These days, I spend a lot of time writing about valuing my body for what it can do instead of what it looks like, about how body ideals are less monolithic in practice than we think, and about how […]
