Seventeen years later, I finally have the courage to say, “I am a sexual abuse survivor,” and I need to heal myself. Trigger warning: This piece contains details about rape, sexual assault, and violence. The National Crime Victimization Survey recently revealed that 38% of victims of rape and sexual violence were men. Since men are often silent […]
This constant push for mothers to do more and more and more is not the recipe for a sane and healthy life. I read the occasional Internet article about parenting. If I scroll down to read the comments, I quickly become mired in the miserable, competitive aspect of parenting. Everyone wants to feel good about […]
This originally appeared on I Am Undergrounded. Republished here with permission. If one thing has always been clear to me, even when everything else in my life was a chaotic blur, it’s this: It takes a village to harm a child. My mother is sitting across from me warming her hands with a cup of tea […]
Research shows that most people don’t see sexism even when it’s right in front of their noses. Sexist behavior, such as the man who parked his car and refused to pay me when I was a running a car lot because “women can’t work in parking lots,” is usually easy to spot. But, in general, sexism, so densely […]
I am where I am today—a happily married mother—because of all the decisions I’ve made in my life. And those decisions included two abortions. I have made no mistakes. Well, in retrospect—because how else should one determine a mistake—all the mistakes I have made, whether large or small, have brought me to where I am […]
Your infertile friend doesn’t want your sympathy. She just wants your friendship. One afternoon when my son was a colicky, refusing-to-sleep newborn and I was stuck home with him, out of my mind from sleep deprivation and round-the-clock nursing, a good friend played for me a voicemail she’d saved for a year, in which I […]
This originally appeared on Eat The Damn Cake. Republished here with permission. I want it to sound weird that gay people weren’t allowed to get married; I want women to not feel guilty for eating; and I want being nerdy to be a real option. I want more movies and TV shows to have female […]
This originally appeared on Everyday Feminism. Republished here with permission. These myths have real consequences and real effects on policy, which limits people’s right to choose. Close your eyes and think about the word abortion. What are some of the first things that come to mind? Pregnancy? Unborn fetuses? Policy makers? Crying? Grief? I’m guessing at least […]
Don’t expect your child to be your confidant, and give them time to grieve. “It was a fine cry—loud and long—but it had no bottom and it had no top, just circles and circles of sorrow.” I‘ve always loved this line from Toni Morrison’s Sula for perfectly capturing the essence of grief. Sharp, endless, and […]
This originally appeared on Mamamia. Republished here with permission. Sometimes I look at my wedding photo and I don’t recognize the bride smiling back at me. And I suspect she wouldn’t recognize me either. She’s 34. I’m 42. That woman in the photo? She gets eight hours of sleep per night. I average five. She […]
This originally appeared on Renegade Mothering. Republished here with permission. We tell women “motherhood is the most important job in the world” but then bash them for struggling with it. I’m feeling ill-equipped for motherhood lately. I can’t stop being an asshole to my kids. I’m yelling too much. My patience is almost always already […]
This originally appeared on Mamamia. Republished here with permission. Babies are not born racist, homophobic, or elitist. The world, both online and off, can be a very unkind and unpleasant place. Even as adults, we find ourselves ill-equipped to deal with both the awfulness and unnecessary callousness of it all. Unfortunately, if we’ve gotten this […]
