Rather than letting someone shame you, wear your sexuality as a badge of honor. Being a slut is not a bad thing. Are you a woman? Do you have sex? If you answered “yes” to these two questions, then someone, somewhere, thinks you are a slut. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a slut is “a […]
Dear Dana is a bi-weekly advice column for humans who engage in romantic relationships. Please send your dilemmas, issues, conundrums, assumptions, conflicts, anxieties, worriments, obstacles, complications, predicaments, queries, questions, and any other synonyms for “problems” to deardana@rolereboot.org. Dear Dana, In a recent game of “I have never” with a group of friends, I discovered that my […]
He began to shame me for my sexuality while simultaneously demanding it of me. And it eventually torpedoed the relationship. As women, we learn to accept that the world wants a lot from us. It’s exhausting. And nowhere—nowhere—is this minefield of expectation and pressure more pronounced than when it comes to our sexuality. The contradicting […]
Porn has given me a safe outlet for my hyper-sexuality. Porn saved my life. In saying this, I know the odds are already stacked against me. “What a lie,” one might say. “That’s what she tells herself to make it all OK,” he might dismiss. “Definitely an exaggeration,” she might scoff. They’d all be wrong. […]
Too many survivors of these crimes struggle against myths that deny their experience—or worse, blame them for their trauma. Unfortunately, you probably know someone who has been sexually assaulted. One out of 6 American women are survivors of attempted or completed rape. It’s not just women: 1 out of 33 men are survivors as well. […]
Femininity is policed enough already by society at large. Women attacking other women isn’t helping. “She dresses like a slut.” “She’s such a bimbo.” “She might find someone if she wasn’t so fat.” While sexism and gender-based prejudice can work in many different directions, when people hear “sexism” they usually imagine ways in which women, […]
If my looks have begun declining, well, I haven’t really noticed. And if I haven’t noticed, should I really bother worrying that anyone else has? Men check out my dog more than me. I only wish I were kidding. I’ve gotten used to catching unexpected smiles creep onto strangers’ faces while gazing at Henny (why […]
If we didn’t already judge women for how they dressed every day of the year, maybe Halloween wouldn’t feel like such a pressure cooker for the intersection of shame and exhibitionism. Oh the Halloween lists I could write! 17 Intersectional Non-Appropriating Feminist Costumes 10 Sex-Positive But Not Slutty* But Still Cute* But Not Trying-to-Hard* Costumes (*What […]
This originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished here with permission. “Slut,” “dramatic,” and “journey” have got to go already. I spend an inordinate amount of time reading and writing and thinking about words, why they’re used, how they’re used; how sentences are structured, what human motivations are behind those structures, and what human motivations are […]
In a country where women’s bodies are regularly legislated, it should come as no surprise that we legislate what’s on them too. If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency. – bell hooks It is 1994. […]
