Say goodbye to the people in your life whose actions prove how little you matter, no matter who they are. I’m not surprised by Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court. I protested and raged, cried and bargained with the universe, but I always knew he would be confirmed. The only surprise was how willing […]
Anyone who has been a victim of repeated harassment or abuse will tell you that the burden of emotional labor is enormous, and that it’s amplified by the pressure to keep quiet. “Stories save your life. And stories are your life. We are our stories; stories that can be both prison and the crowbar to […]
When will we start penalizing creepy people instead of applauding them? What does it take for a woman to be supported, sided with, and believed? When celebrities declare that they’re feminists, it’s a grand gesture, but it’s rarely enough. In the current political climate, when it feels as though women’s rights are under threat every […]
If we are to talk frankly about the conditions that lead us to use terms like rape culture, then perhaps we need all sides to take ownership of the experiences that add up to something so big and insidious and normalized. Even now, over 20 years later, I can’t bring myself to use his name, though […]
We need to move away from the oppressive myth that rape and assault only happen in violent fits of rage, a narrative that reinforces the idea that “real” rape is uncomplicated and straightforward. Content warning: rape and sexual assault My friends and I are telling the types of stories that only come out with a combination […]
I stayed with him for six years because I was convinced I owed it to my parents to make it work. I was convinced that no one else would ever love me. A question I’m often asked is, “Why did you stay with him for so long after everything that happened?” This is one question […]
Most men have the luxury of knowing about the fact of rape, but not the reality of rape, and what it means in terms of day-to-day life for girls and women. A few months ago, TIME magazine editor Susanna Schrobsdorff wrote a terrific article about having to talk to a daughter about rape. In the wake […]
While it can be hard to find anything positive about trauma, one way to grow from it and to heal is to find meaning and purpose in it. The news is regularly filled with stories of sexual abuse, assault, and molestation. Sadly, a new global study from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that […]
We need to establish that the only legal answer to “under what circumstances is an abortion appropriate?” is “when the pregnant woman decides to have one.” Like many people, I belong to more than one community of people who are fighting for equality. I want all women to have full reproductive rights; as the mother […]
The new California ‘Yes Means Yes’ law is certainly progress, but it’s not the complete answer. True story: It was very late, and my friend’s cologne and pheromones had started to swirl together into a delicious chemical man-smell, setting my head spinning. He was one of the most attractive men I knew, and I’d been noticing […]
This story first appeared as part of Ravishly.com‘s special Conversation series exploring the sex work industry. Individuals who consider all sex workers to be victims make it that much harder for us to be honest. People act unhurt for all sorts of reasons. It’s not simply a matter of denial—it’s a coping mechanism, a way to survive. Indeed, by “acting […]
Until black women are seen as full citizens and treated with the same dignity and respect as everyone else, society will get nowhere. It’s been about a week since the story broke of Django Unchained actress Danielle Watts’ mistreatment at the hands of the Los Angeles Police Department, and every time I sit down to write […]
