I opened the envelope, and pulled the letter out. It was at least six pages. I glanced over it and saw words like “disappointed,” “behavior,” “crappy,” and “finished.” The letter arrived today. Although I won’t mark it return to sender, neither will I read the whole thing in one sitting. I’ll take it in small […]
Biological coincidence is no basis for lifelong relationships. My father died when I was 24 years old; my mother followed four years after. My mom’s death, in particular, left me emotionally unanchored. I had not yet started my own family and my messy, complicated relationship with her had been my center. As the youngest of […]
Just before my milk let down, I felt a wave of sadness swell from the pit of my stomach. It was a feeling I described to friends as wistfulness, even homesickness, a scooped-out, hollow feeling. A short, but powerful unmooring. Because my pregnancy had been hard, I decided I would only breastfeed my baby if […]
It turns out that the strongest weapon in the fight to give girls equal rights is … a working mother. Years ago, when I was 36, I fell over, dropped like a dead weight for no reason at all. BOOM. At the hospital, they checked for everything (including HIV, as I had been working as […]
I have baby pictures of the donors who made my children possible. Sometimes I look at them for resemblance. They are not family photos, but my family wouldn’t exist without them. On Mother’s Day, after her younger brother has been tucked in to bed, my daughter and I look at old photos on the computer. […]
“I have my own life,” she reminds me, with perfect kindness and accuracy. “I don’t need to re-live having children through yours.” My mother recently came to visit me and my family for 10 days. Here is a list of the things she did vis-a-vis my four children: Played with them. Gave them snacks and sweets. […]
It’s exhausting to feel so much for and through another person. After rejecting a series of “loveys” meant to help her sleep better, my 16-month-old daughter, Benna, has finally chosen a stuffed animal worthy of her affection: a small Elmo toy that betrays our family’s somewhat lax attitude toward screen time. It’s adorable to see […]
Queer parents and anyone who uses non-traditional methods to build families, whether that means sperm or egg donation, IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, complicate the question of what it means to be a parent, what it means to be a family, what it means to be a mother. I have never wanted to give birth. I […]
