If Women Talked About Masturbation Like Men Do

Women will talk to each other about absolutely raw physical experiences, such as giving birth, so why is masturbation usually off the table?

I’m a healthy, sexual woman. I’m not ashamed to discuss my sex life with people I’m comfortable with. In fact, talking about sex with my close female friends was something of a ritual in my 20s. Those salacious, sometimes shocking discussions we had about our sexual experiences over morning coffee or an evening glass of wine are some of my fondest memories.

But now that I’m older, those dear friends live far away, and we’re all pretty busy managing careers, relationships, and families. There’s not much time anymore for gossip or to talk about our latest sexual escapades.

I will say, that in the midst of all the female sex talk, there was one thing that we women didn’t discuss on a regular basis: Masturbation.

Yes, I said it!

I mean, I think we all kind of assumed that each one of us did that but there wasn’t a deep discussion about it.

In regards to pleasuring myself, it’s a pretty normal thing for me. It has been most of my life since the preteen years. Is that weird? Sometimes I wonder. I don’t see many conversations or jokes about it in movies or on television. Men, however, could probably go on about it all day. Countless comedy acts and movies center around men “jerking off.”

Women will talk to each other about absolutely raw physical experiences such as giving birth and often don’t hesitate to include all the messy, gross bits. But the topic of giving yourself an orgasm after a stressful day is somehow not open for discussion in many circles.

This is not to say that women don’t ever talk about it. Some do. But I would argue it’s still not considered an open discussion.

I still remember the day I first starting watching “Sex and The City.” How I adored that show. One of the main reasons I delighted in the show was the female characters and their no-nonsense approach to female masturbation. It was displayed and talked about on the show as if it was an everyday fact of life. The most honest character who depicted female masturbation was Samantha Jones, who was shown pleasuring herself in countless episodes. Before and after “Sex and the City,” the topic of female masturbation is still somewhat of a desolate wasteland.

In my lifetime of traveling and meeting new people, I’ve only met a couple of women who openly discussed pleasuring themselves. Men talk about it and make reference to masturbation on an almost constant basis.

Even when in a relationship, there’s always going to be times when your partner is unavailable or not in the mood. Honestly, sometimes it’s just easier to take care of releasing that sexual tension on your own. No muss, no fuss. It doesn’t mean I’m not satisfied with my partner. It just means I know how to take care of myself. I kind of take pride in that.

I have a daughter now. I often think about how I’m going to approach this topic with her. My goal is to make it known to her that her body is her own and if she chooses to touch herself privately then that’s her business. I know that angle is offensive to many people for many different reasons, but I stand by it. My daughter should be in charge and in control of her own body.

I have actually talked to women who claim they have never masturbated. Ever. Some of them were told when they were young that it was a sin to touch themselves. Other women I’ve talked to claim they’ve never even experienced an orgasm whether during sex or through masturbation. How could this be? How could a woman have gone through puberty and her teen years without exploring her own body? I almost don’t believe it but, apparently, a lot of women just don’t do that.

To each their own, right? No judgment. But I do wonder if the topic of female masturbation were discussed more within our society and culture, that maybe it wouldn’t be considered so taboo or “bad.” It’s certainly not something I would deem appropriate for dinner table conversation, but for the subject of women masturbating to at least be acknowledged or normalized as a part of the female experience would be really awesome.

Michelle is a writer, artist, business partner, mom, stepmom & wife. Catch her blogs at The Pondering Nook & also tune in to her co-hosting at The Broad’s Way Podcast.

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