Yes. People really say this stuff. When it comes to adoption, you may have heard stuff about being “chosen” and “born in my heart, not under it.” Those are wonderful sentiments. This isn’t an article about wonderful sentiments, so hold on, k? My sons did not enter this world via my vajayjay. If you see me […]
Honestly, I just don’t want to make the sacrifices required. Making the decision to not have children is a controversial choice for many people. Family and friends tell stories of indescribable love and fulfillment that come with parenthood—convinced that anyone who voluntarily foregoes the experience is making a huge mistake. What bothers me most about […]
I expected adoption to add to the number of people who lived in my house but it’s been much more. It’s changed every nuance of my life and turned things upside down and sideways. I’ve been on what I like to call the adoption crazy train since 2011, when we first decided to adopt our son […]
Mothers with ADHD are frequently bad at the very things that women are stereotypically supposed to be good at. In most of the ways that matter, my friend Karen was a wonderful parent. She loved her children and demonstrated it daily. She hugged them, played with them, and read to them. She was neither permissive […]
No one talked to me about post-adoption depression until after we adopted. This isn’t something I ever heard discussed outside of adoption circles. Maybe it’s time to change that? Here’s part of my story. I was crying the ugly cry in my hospital room after my daughter was born. A nice nurse found me some […]
The kids you’re talking about? The ones standing right next to me, paying attention to the question? They are my own. Why shouldn’t I speak up and politely make the distinction? I really, really try not to get wrapped around semantics when people make thoughtless remarks about our adoptions or when they ask a question that maybe […]
Adoption is a life-giving blessing and wonderful option for many people, myself included. However, it is also incredibly, heart-achingly painful. My three sons all have my dimples. It’s the one trait, so far, I can tell they share. Comparing baby pictures, I see some of Aden in Liam, some of Carter in Aden…bits and pieces […]
I have baby pictures of the donors who made my children possible. Sometimes I look at them for resemblance. They are not family photos, but my family wouldn’t exist without them. On Mother’s Day, after her younger brother has been tucked in to bed, my daughter and I look at old photos on the computer. […]
Queer parents and anyone who uses non-traditional methods to build families, whether that means sperm or egg donation, IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, complicate the question of what it means to be a parent, what it means to be a family, what it means to be a mother. I have never wanted to give birth. I […]
In our late 40s, my husband and I adopted two boys. We knew our lives would be different, but we didn’t expect our friendships to change so drastically. I’m not shy but I’m an introvert. I like other humans but I have a limited tolerance for “peopling”—you know, cocktail parties, wedding receptions, any place where […]
After 18 surgical procedures in 30 months, we learned the Unknown had delivered to us the rarest of rare birds to raise and love, one who still sings but softer than before. I handed over my car keys to my daughter the day after she passed her driver’s test with a score of 89. Her […]
This should not be a women’s issue. It should be a parents’ issue. And it should recognize that different children will need different things, often impacted by the circumstances of their birth. Our first night with our son was spent in a hotel in Seoul, South Korea. Sudden parents to an almost-4-month-old, despite months of […]
