Just because someone doesn’t have the vocabulary to articulate their boundaries doesn’t mean those boundaries don’t exist or matter. Why, in the name of all that is good in this world, do people feel so entitled to touch children? When I worked as a nanny in college I was always shocked by how frequently people […]
Sex-positivity and sexual misconduct, though, are really, really different, and we should know better than to engage in the latter under the guise of the former. “How could I be offended by that?” That’s the question that ran through my mind when a friend of a friend said “when you see me, you’ll get wet” […]
If we are to talk frankly about the conditions that lead us to use terms like rape culture, then perhaps we need all sides to take ownership of the experiences that add up to something so big and insidious and normalized. Even now, over 20 years later, I can’t bring myself to use his name, though […]
Outside of the circumcision debate, I can’t remember the last piece I read that dealt with boys and body autonomy. Why is that? I’m sitting at the school pick up line and I watch as my 6-year-old lines up with his classmates. There is a girl on either side of him, each of them holding […]
If we were to believe the standard script on the matter, we would think that alcohol was a universal driver of sex, the provider of a good excuse for doing something your sober self wouldn’t have, and also the culprit when things get messy. (Content Warning: sexual violence, rape culture, alcohol use) The first time I […]
People don’t have to be scarred for life—or scarred at all—for bodily violations to be morally wrong or assailants to be held accountable. As a mother of two daughters, and as a psychologist who has experienced sexual assault, I find myself troubled by some of the language that feminist women (like me) and progressive allies […]
Too many survivors of these crimes struggle against myths that deny their experience—or worse, blame them for their trauma. Unfortunately, you probably know someone who has been sexually assaulted. One out of 6 American women are survivors of attempted or completed rape. It’s not just women: 1 out of 33 men are survivors as well. […]
This is about a culture that, imperceptibly, seeps its values into the minds and hearts of well-meaning parents until that culture’s most awful beliefs about women come flying out of the mouths of the ones who love us most. I’m writing this piece anonymously because my mother frequently Googles me—types my name into a search bar […]
We need to move away from the oppressive myth that rape and assault only happen in violent fits of rage, a narrative that reinforces the idea that “real” rape is uncomplicated and straightforward. Content warning: rape and sexual assault My friends and I are telling the types of stories that only come out with a combination […]
Talking openly to your kids is one of the best ways to raise them with a positive view of sexuality—and to challenge the conventional and damaging messages so many are getting on the subject. Every year, I give presentations about my health classes to the parents of my students. And inevitably, every year, someone will […]
Let’s all eliminate the games out of dating to make our lives a little safer. “Don’t be too easy.” “Always leave him wanting more.” “Make him work for it.” “Don’t text back too soon—you’ll look desperate.” Most of us are all too familiar with these statements and have, at one point, either perpetrated or been […]
My earliest sex education didn’t even mention that sex felt good. I was reassured that it was all right to say no, but never offered a script for arriving at yes. Recently, I wrote an essay about dating older men when I was still in my teens. I was shocked, though I shouldn’t have been, […]
