Having a spouse or a child is not the thing that makes a person a grown-up; putting other people’s needs ahead of your own is. After I asked readers to describe their feelings about the holidays, many expressed frustration. They wrote of nosey relatives who grilled them about their romantic lives, of being relegated to […]
If “adulting” is synonymous with being responsible for your finances, doing your laundry before you run out of clean underwear, having health insurance, and changing your oil on time, well then, we’ve set the bar really low. No one knows how to “adult.” That’s the set up and the punch line to the joke that […]
I want you to know I wasn’t judging your daughter’s behavior. I wasn’t judging your parenting. I was studying it. I was soaking it in. I was wondering what my own daughter would do. If my own daughter could. Dear mother I saw at the park: My friend gently nudged me as I heard her […]
Kids whose parents are too involved or controlling are more likely to suffer from depression or anxiety. I grew up in a home full of love and support. I was surrounded by people who only wanted what was best for me—but sometimes, the way that played out actually had the opposite of the intended effect. […]
While some topics are hard to discuss and might make you uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean your children need to be sheltered. I lie to my kid constantly. I tell her the store is closed in the middle of the day, when I don’t want to go. I will say, “I have no idea where that […]
From my sisters, I have learned lessons in the importance of standing up for myself and others, in sharing and cooperation, in being humble and never being afraid to apologize or admit when I am wrong. I have three siblings, all female, all of whom are my dearest friends. We are relatively close in age […]
When my father died, I grieved. When my mother died, I fell into a void. I’ve never felt more alone in the world than I have since she died. I want to talk about The Rolling Stones today. I want to talk about books or any damned thing that isn’t today. Fuck today. I didn’t […]
While my heart ached for the loss of that carefree nature it also softened with the comfort of knowing I had lived that part of my life fully, perhaps longer than most. I am lying on the floor of my daughter’s room holding her little hand through the bars of the crib while she attempts […]
Whatever we are scared of—fucking up or having more to lose; free falling or feeling trapped—we have to get cozy inside the discomfort. Without incessantly fixing everything or requiring tangible proof at every step. I am standing in a long, white hallway. Brightly lit doors line both sides unmarked. Institutional and The Shining-like, maybe 20 lie […]
I’m glad books are a part of our bedtime ritual, but sometimes, I just want the ritual part to be over so Mom’s happyhourbedtime can begin. I love awards. I love the shiny gleam of trophies and medals. I love seeing my name printed on a piece of paper that says “well done!” I’ve racked […]
Curvy is just who I am. I have the same kind of body that my mother had, that my grandmothers had. And I take good care of it. I can’t tell you exactly how it happened. I wish I could tell you there is a magic solution out there that could make all women accept […]
Adulthood, as it’s taught to us, is a construct, and we can tear it down and reconstruct it ourselves, to make not one other version, but one million others. Earlier today, I was doing some aggressive scheming about how to get to see Taylor Swift in concert. It went something like, “I can’t do that. […]
