What I hope for my daughters—for young women everywhere— is an authentic experience of sexuality, free from self-consciousness, shame, or violation. When Ariana Grande and Miley Cyrus sang together at One Love Manchester, an all-star benefit for victims of the May 22 terrorist attack, they showed tenderness instead of hotness, a shift from their usual […]
I often wonder about all the things I could have accomplished as a young woman, if only all my energy and attention had been focused on something worthwhile, rather than trying to grab the attention of the boys I looked to for validation. Fortunately, when I look back at my childhood, it was mostly happy. I […]
Girls, taught to ignore their anger, become disassociated from themselves. Anger is a recurring theme of the current presidential election. Every male presidential candidate has directly and overtly tapped into the very evident rage that the American public feels. They thump podiums, raise their voices, curse, and shout without being called divas, shrill, unhinged, ugly, or unlikeable. […]
In her new book about girls and sex, Peggy Orenstein says it’s time to change our definition of virginity. Cruising though the aisles of the local bookstore, you may take note of a book by Peggy Orenstein titled Girls & Sex—two topics that we certainly like to talk about, though not necessarily together. But the tendency […]
Changing a culture can take generations, and while teaching our girls that revolutions are born from brave words and fierce actions, omitting the importance of reaction is a dangerous mistake. Trigger Warning: rape “I am certain—my body is pure physical strength.”—Tina Turner Last spring my childhood friend, Marlene, was attacked while walking two blocks from […]
When do girls start doubting who they are and start believing the words of others? It’s how it should be. Innocence, sincerity, simple. I watch my daughter and her friend do each other’s hair. They are 8 and 9 years old. They haven’t discovered that this classic game of “salon” is a primer for beauty. To […]
I wanted to have sex when I was 15, and you probably did too. My own teenage years are pressed into the back of my mind, and from a certain angle, in a particularly rosy light, they are nostalgic rather than shameful and full of bad decisions. I sometimes pull out an anecdote or two, […]
We strive to set a good example, to teach you what you need to know, to guide you on your path from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood. But what we forget is that there is so much that YOU teach us. Don’t worry; this isn’t going to be one of those letters. You know […]
As grown-up as I believed I was, I didn’t have the power to stand up for myself or the experience to communicate what I wanted and needed, so I became a conduit for satisfying the needs of others and ended up miserable. When I was in high school, I dated an appalling-in-retrospect string of men […]
This originally appeared on The Sex Positive Parent. Republished here with permission. The social order requires silence and looking away and not interfering, but when I see creepy men coming on to teenage girls, I say: Screw the social order. I just got home from my daily BART ride. I should be cooking dinner, but […]
