When it comes to parenting decisions, people are going to judge you no matter what you do. My friend was recently parent-shamed by a former sorority sister. Said sorority sister — pregnant with her first child — was explaining how she would be doing elimination training and that her baby would be potty trained by […]
People talk about skin care like it’s fun – like it’s a hobby, a “me time” activity, a way to relax. But for me, the very idea opens onto a black hole of self-loathing. I was 17, sitting on the porch outside my favorite café with some friends, when a man walked up to us […]
Shame. It may be the single most corrosive force of our time. When my husband and I were in our final year of the MFA program where we met, we were each responsible for producing a book-length thesis. Jason and I had started dating in our first year and moved in together quickly, realizing that […]
I don’t think they’ll ever offer their girlfriends Midol, but periods have lost their mystique and element of shame. I met my first real boyfriend my sophomore year of high school. Every afternoon when he wasn’t working, we hung out at his house while his mom was at work. One of those afternoons, not long […]
The scarlet A on my chest is for the girl I was at 25—and for every other person who has felt ashamed of their desires. A few weeks ago, I tattooed a scarlet A onto my chest, a reference to Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. The novel’s protagonist, Hester Prynne is forced to wear a red A […]
Rather than letting someone shame you, wear your sexuality as a badge of honor. Being a slut is not a bad thing. Are you a woman? Do you have sex? If you answered “yes” to these two questions, then someone, somewhere, thinks you are a slut. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a slut is “a […]
Being touched, even by a doctor, made me feel ashamed. Having sex? That was even worse. “I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional right now,” I said as I wiped tears away from the face. “I don’t know, either,” Dr. O’Neil shrugged as she handed me a tissue. I tried to get myself together […]
When do girls start doubting who they are and start believing the words of others? It’s how it should be. Innocence, sincerity, simple. I watch my daughter and her friend do each other’s hair. They are 8 and 9 years old. They haven’t discovered that this classic game of “salon” is a primer for beauty. To […]
How can I possibly think about being naked around others, when it’s so difficult to confront my own nudity even when I am by myself? When I was 5 years old, my mother would take me to our local Jewish Community Center to go swimming. Afterward, we’d rush to the locker room for a hot shower before […]
Mother’s Day celebrates what mothers should be, while actively ignoring an absolute truth: Many of us harbor deep sensations of ambivalence toward mothering, pregnancy, and our children. Martha Stewart’s website is bursting with Mother’s Day craft ideas that engaged co-parents can make with their children. Gifts that will find their way into the sheets after […]
I finally had everything I always wanted. And I was miserable. A candle flickered on my desk, the sun dipping low in the distance, signaling an early end to the daylight hours of a late November day. I looked out, over the top of my computer screen, acutely aware of the fact that a blanket of […]
From Monica Lewinsky to former porn star Candida Royalle, every woman has been judged for her sexuality. And the ramifications run much deeper than most of us realize. If you’re having a conversation about sex with someone in the U.S., you are probably also, implicitly or explicitly, also talking about shame. The two are intertwined, […]
